Born behind a heavy goods vehicle on the English / Welsh border, somewhere near Wrexham in 19**, Lavinia was always destined
for show business as she is the illegitimate daughter of Pavarotti and Judith Chalmers and a half sister to Jo Brand !!
The call of the stage came quite early as she popped out of the womb and straight onto a pair of heels !
Those heels came in handy in later years because she was the only 4 year old hooker in our street so it made it easier not having to bend
over to give BJ'S !!!
After leaving school, not that she went much, Lavinia headed for the dizzy heights of Chester and the bright lights of Cheshire (a show biz mecca if ever there was one) and started her club career at Chesters only gay night club, Olivers, affectionately known as OVARIES.
Having fell pregnant with twins in her 20's, in true lady L style - gave birth, put them straight into a home and headed off to Spain with a friend, Murial Turdblocker, with whom she did three shows a day at the Benidorm Palace Hotel . What a shithole! The place was that damp, and our queen thought she was permantly on heat!
The mushrooms growin on the dresssing room door should have been a warning sign !
After a while Lavinia and her compadre got homesick and came back to Chester and she walked straight into a position of DJ/Hostess at Connections Nightclub. Where they always went the extra mile for the customers and regularly had queues, round the back by the bins (where you could usually find Lavinia at the end of the night on her knees) They didnt stop until they were full!! (and where not just talking about the club)...
The years seemed to fly by and even though she kept her looks ( 3 inches of make up) Lavinias figure had suffered because of all the showbiz parties and events she attended, it was time to get back on the road! The world was her oyster and she worked in Fabulous places such as Birkenhead ,Queensferry ,New Brighton , Manchester and now , for the last 10 years - G-Bar Liverpool .
It doesnt look like all the jet settin is gonna stop anytime soon so all Lavinia hopes is that the twins dont find her and ask who their father is because to be honest, she dosent have a clue!! Could have been anyone, The strange thing is one is chinese and the other is black ! What a night that was.!!
Lavinia has two motto's in life which she trys to pass on to her punters.
1........... Sh*g them first , talk to them later
2...........Suck em off and F*ck em off
Catch Lavinias tounge lashings and lock out events each and every Thursday and Sunday nights in the Church Room!
